12/8/2017 the other womanyour love wasn’t kind, nor was it gentle or soft or even remotely benevolent, but it was love all the same. you showed me you cared by ripping the skin from my bones and taking the blood from my veins. do you know I still lose sleep over her? do you know it still hurts?
my bones snapping under your grip must have been like music to your ears. so many times, I put myself together just for you to take me apart again. but still, i'd offer you my broken heart in exchange for the dark matter that took the place of yours. do you know it physically pains me to look at her? do you know thinking of you together makes me quite literally sick? I know you still think about her and I know you still miss her and you wish I was more like her and the fact that I’m not makes you crazy. every morning I’m afraid that I’ll wake up to see that you’ve left me again, I can’t think about what you’re doing when you’re not with me. do you know how seldom I sleep? do you know I see her face in my dreams? I talked about you a lot while I was away. hot tears rolled down my cheeks as I spoke softly to the doctor, “I hope they’re happy together, he deserves that at least.” those words burned like hot coals on my tongue, but I meant it with every fiber of my being. did you even notice I was gone? would you have cared at all? its the memory of your voice coming through the phone that night that sticks with me. “its her. its always been her.” my vision blurred as your voice raised. I asked if you loved her. “I don’t know” you sounded panicked now, “yeah I did.” those were the words that stole the air from my lungs. thats when I knew you weren’t coming back. do you know how much you meant to me? do you know how deeply I loved you? even after all of this, do you know how much I still love you? Comments are closed.
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